Join Tonya Wollum and guest John Fela for a raw, honest look at special needs parenting for a child with non-verbal autism. We discuss the challenges of an autism diagnosis, navigating medical crises like Chiari malformation, and managing the strain of divorce in the special needs community.

Show Notes:

The ‘Tale of Two Parking Lots’: How one father navigated the seismic shift from a medical emergency to the end of his marriage, and what he learned about finding true community.

In this deeply vulnerable episode, we sit down with John Fela, author of Faith Like My Father, to discuss the reality of parenting a child with level three non-verbal autism. We move past the surface-level advice to address the heavy hitters: the initial diagnosis, the terrifying reality of a child’s sudden seizure and brain surgery (Chiari malformation), and the profound strain these challenges place on a marriage. John shares his “Swiss Army Knife” approach to advocacy and explains why finding a community of people who “get it” is the single most important survival tool for any parent. If you’ve ever felt like your journey took a turn you weren’t prepared for, this conversation is for you.

Connect with John:

• Order his book: Faith Like My Father
• Visit his Website

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Work with Tonya as an IEP Coach: If you’re looking for personalized support, a trusted partner, and expert guidance through the IEP process, I would be honored to be part of your team. Find more information about my IEP coaching services here: https://waterprairie.com/iepcoach

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Music Used:

“LazyDay” by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Artist: http://audionautix.com/

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Episode #147: The Tale of Two Parking Lots: Navigating Marriage and Crisis with John Fela (Part 1)

The ‘Tale of Two Parking Lots’: How one father navigated the seismic shift from a medical emergency to the end of his marriage, and what he learned about finding true community.

(Recorded February 23, 2026)

Full Transcript of Episode 147:

Tonya: Welcome to the Water Prairie Chronicles. I’m your host, Tonya Wollum, and today we’re diving into a story that is both deeply personal and resonates universally for our community. I’m joined by John Fela, a dedicated advocate and the author of the new book, Faith Like My Father, John’s journey as a father to his son Christopher, who has level three autism and is nonverbal, has gone through many twists and turns.

In this episode, we aren’t just talking about the what of raising a child with a disability, but the how. How to survive the initial diagnosis, how to navigate sudden medical emergencies like brain surgery, and how to hold onto yourself when your marriage faces the immense pressures of this lifestyle. If you’ve ever felt like your journey took an unexpected, frightening turn, this conversation is for you.

John, welcome to Water Prairie.

John: Thanks so much. It’s great to be here.

Tonya: Listeners, John and I first connected maybe two years ago, and then just kind of lost track of each other for a while and weren’t able to, to get this to work. I’m kind of glad that we didn’t, because you’re gonna hear more about it, but John has just come out with a book. This is the perfect timing for us to talk about what he has in the book, and it fits right with what I wanted to talk about for season five. So, John, I’m glad that it didn’t work out the first time and that you’re able to come on now.

John: The timing is always right. Isn’t it amazing how that works?

Tonya: Exactly.

John: Yeah.

Tonya: A lot of our listeners have heard of you before, and they heard a little bit during my intro, but tell, tell us just briefly where you’re coming from, what your background is, and why you fit in well with a podcast like Water Prairie that caters toward families who have children with disabilities.

John: Absolutely. So I have a joke I like to tell, which is I like to lovingly refer to myself as the Swiss Army Knife of Disability Advocacy or Disability Ministry, depending. And the reason is because I do a little bit of everything. So I, I’d like to share that, um, special needs and disability advocacy and, and support and resources are, are really my whole world.

Um, certainly I am the parent to, uh, first of all a, a son with severe level three autism. Chris, he’s also nonverbal. Um, he currently resides actually at a therapeutic day school in Wichita, Kansas. So I’m in the Chicago area. Um, he’s there because his public high school couldn’t meet his needs, um, at least not anymore.

And so he is finishing up high school there and possibly a little bit of his transition years, and then he’ll, you know, eventually come home. Um, you know, but I, I also have a background in education. I was an educator for almost 20 years, including special ed. Um, and then I have been involved in disability advocacy and ministry for almost about 10 years now.

And that has really been a whole variety of things. Um, it has been as simple as putting together a support group for the special needs dads in my own community, some of which I still run today. Um, but then also getting connected with larger, um, organizations, whether they’re, they’re based in Chicago or not, but they have a national reach and focus, whether they are disability ministries like Key Ministry, and I’ll be uh, speaking at their Disability & the Church conference this year, or if it’s an organization like Special Fathers Network, which is based here in Chicago that supports special needs dads and, and dads of of disability, um, through a variety of resources and, and outreach.

Um, or for example, my work with Joni and Friends, I worked for Joni and Friends, which is a global disability ministry and, and my relationship with them is actually pretty interesting because, um, I was served by them as a family of disability for many years with my own son in terms of specifically attending their, uh, family retreats that they do in the summer.

Uh, but then I worked for them and I worked out of our Chicago area office specifically equipping and supporting churches on disability ministry and supporting the disability population in their congregations. So it, it really is just kind of who I am. And, you know, I’m, I’m really kind of all disability all the time.

Um, you know, even beyond a a day job, it’s personal to me, but I also like to say I, I see it from kind of a 360 view. I, I see it from a variety of perspectives. Parent, former educator, um, advocate, et cetera.

Tonya: You’re coming in from a different perspective than some of our parents are as, and part of what we’re gonna talk about is a little bit of just those first signals that we have, that something’s going different with our child.

And because you’re an educator and had some experience there, you may have had a little more, um, knowledge coming in to, to this parenting experience or maybe not so, so we’ll. So we’ll see. So, so the first thing I wanted to ask you was, when did you realize that parenting Chris was gonna be completely different from what you expected it to be?

John: So I, I have to tell you in terms of when, when we felt his mom and I, or when I felt, um, this was gonna be a different journey, um, I would say that we didn’t really know until he was. About two or three years old. Now, when I say that, I want to emphasize he was a preemie. He was born five weeks early. We were in the hospital for a week.

You know, he was in the NICU, et cetera. Um, but beyond that, we just felt like, okay, this is, this is pretty normal. Now, the reality is, is that I was an educator and, and his mom was an educator. She was a middle school teacher. I was mostly an, an elementary teacher. I had some background in, you know, Montessori and preschool and some of these things, but it was still our first child.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know and, and could say the same for, for both of us. So it, it really wasn’t until, and, and I love telling this story, by the way, it wasn’t until he had his 18 month checkup. Now usually that’s kind of the, the milestone for the, uh, where a red flag might present itself. So we take him for his 18 month and, you know, the pediatrician asks us a battery of questions and is he doing this?

Is he doing that? Now, what we had observed was he was a happy kid. He definitely liked being active, but um, you know, the, the walking was taking a little longer. There maybe were some little motor issues. Um, and we weren’t hearing any verbalization, right. We weren’t hearing it really any babbling. You know, sometimes you’d hear kind of a squeal and, and that kind of thing, but, you know, it, it really wasn’t anything that we would relate to language.

So the pediatrician asked us, naturally, is he talking? And we just explained exactly, you know, the, the way I said it. And her response was, okay, so here’s what you do. You go across the street to the professional building. ’cause there was a, the hospital was right across the street. She’s like, go to the professional building and see the speech therapist.

And her exact words were, I don’t know what they do, but they play with the kids and make ’em talk. So take ’em there, it’ll be fine. And of course we’re like, okay. So we go see the speech therapist and she played with him. And he didn’t talk. And then, okay, what’s next? Well, let’s test his hearing. We, they tested the hearing.

Um, you know, hearing seemed fine. Uh, we then went through, in Illinois, what’s referred to as early intervention services through the state, which is where the, if your child is under the age of three and, and you believe there, you know, there’s a developmental issue. You know, you’ll get someone to come in, evaluate.

Now, again, it’s not a formal evaluation, but they will let you know if there’s something there, then they can provide some basic services, you know, OTPT, this kind of thing. Um, and then it wasn’t really until he was almost three that we took him to a neuropsych and I was actually teaching at a, at a private school.

And, um, it was a neuropsych that actually some of my, uh, students had seen. So I talked to the parents about her. And she was wonderful, and she diagnosed him with, uh, pervasive developmental disorder. Now, that doesn’t exist anymore, but at the time, it was pervasive developmental disorder, not other, not otherwise specified.

Okay? Now of course, he’s autistic, he’s just on the spectrum. Um, but you know, at, at that time that’s, that, that was the label she gave, and she felt very confident about it. And she recommended, you know, a variety of different therapies, A, b, a and, you know, OT and, you know, et cetera. And, you know, some of those things we had tried and some not yet.

And we said, okay. So we were already kind of jumping in with both feet in the water, but now we were really committed.

 So, so we tried as much as we could.

My child still has autism. My child still doesn’t speak. Um, he has made progress. Um, but, but the reality is, is that, you know, we really hoped that in a year or two it would just fix itself. It didn’t, that didn’t take away from the fact he’s still my son. He’s still an incredible human being and, uh, he’s loved by his family.

Tonya: John, we’ve talked about those early years, the hunt for answers, the therapies and the eventual diagnosis. But for many of us, just when we feel like we have a handle on the new normal of our child’s developmental needs, life throws a curve ball that brings us to our knees. For your family, that curve ball arrived in the form of a sudden medical crisis.

Can you take us back to when everything changed for you?

John: I’ll tell you, I remember the day it happened. Um, it was March of 2019. It was a Saturday. I was home. Um, his mom was bringing him back from one of his many therapies.

Um, I was just finishing up a call with one of my dad organizations and I get a call from her saying he threw up in the car. You know, just get ready when we get home to help clean him up. And I’m thinking, well, he ate too much or ate the wrong thing or whatever. And go out to the car, open up the back door, and it was like, I, you know, it, it was almost like experiencing a, a stroke, a, a, a stroke patient or someone who had just experienced a stroke.

Um, his eyes were kind of rolled in the back of his head, drooling took him outta the car. He basically collapsed to the ground. He had no motor function at all. We didn’t know what this was. We had no clue because he had never had a seizure.

And of course, being nonverbal, you know, we, we know that leading up to, this may be a week or two, he has a touch chat on his iPad, you know, his communication, you know, app. And, um, you know, he kept saying something to the effect of like, head hurts. Well, you know, that that could be anything that could be a cold or a fever or something.

Right. And, and I think we probably just gave him some Tylenol and that was about it. Well, he essentially had the equivalent of, of a, a grand mal seizure. Um, we didn’t know if we should just take him to the hospital ourselves or call the ambulance. We decided to call the ambulance. Paramedics came, he had two more seizures in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Get him to the hospital. They put him in, in the er, they hook every different line and tube up to him. And, and of course they, they give him a CT scan. And I had left the hospital because we’re assuming, okay, whatever this is, we’re gonna be here a while, so I’m gonna go pack a bag, we’re gonna go pack an overnight bag, and you know, we’ll kind of see where this takes us. Either on the way to the house or on the way back. We only live maybe 15, 20 minutes away. Um, I got a text from her saying he has a chiari, CHI, is it C-H-I-A-R-I? Okay. Yeah. Now I don’t know what that is. I’m thinking he has a brain tumor. So I’m like, oh no, a chiari. And then I Google it and I’m like, huh. So what it actually is, is that it’s a brain malformation.

Tonya: Yeah.

John: The brain and the skull don’t grow symmetrically, so it causes pressure that leads to seizures. Now, it doesn’t always lead to seizures in every case. In fact, in most cases it doesn’t. But with him it did.

Um, so okay, fine. You know, and, and then of course we’re calling people and texting and telling them where we are. We saw, you know, Dr. Rug and everybody, oh, he’s amazing. We’re like. Okay. If you say so, you know, be, because again, we, we didn’t expect any of this. And it was, again, so far out of left field for us.

You know, we didn’t know how to react other than, okay, well we, we have to get him whatever chiari needs. And then when we realized what it was, okay, at least we have a, a clear path to that. I will tell you though, this, this story, and this is probably one of the hardest stories I share. Um, so he, he had the seizures in March, in April of 2019.

He had the surgery, the morning of the surgery. Now, I, I want to emphasize one thing about my son. He’s fearless. Nothing bothers him. He will go anywhere. Anywhere you wanna go, anything you want to check out, he’ll open any door. What’s here? What’s there? Take me anywhere. It doesn’t care. The morning of that surgery, and, and, and again, to be fair, he had been a million doctors in his life.

He didn’t always like going to the doctor, but it wasn’t like he. You know, a afraid or terrified or anything that morning he went into the hospital shaking like a leaf.

Tonya: Oh, wow.

John: I had never seen it before. He knew something was whether he completely understood what was gonna happen, and obviously we talked to him about it, but he, he didn’t really, I, I, I don’t know how much he actually was able to comprehend, but he knew it was serious and, and this kid is shaking, and of course all I can do is hold him.

And try to reassure him. But of course, I don’t know it’s gonna be okay either. I assume it’s gonna be okay based on what everybody has said. But all I could do was hold him and say, you know, I’m here, daddy’s here, it’s gonna be okay. And then we get him into the triage and they, you know, give him some sedative and thing and he’s kind of chilling out.

And then they, couple hours later, they wheel him into the OR he is got his, you know, stuffed animal and stuff and, you know, he’s, by this point he’s kinda like, okay, whatever. Because they were able to give him something. Right. But I’m, I’m losing it. I’m losing it. And I remember I went to the chapel to pray, and I remember the, the prayer I, I, I prayed and it was, it was April, it was, I, I think it was like right after Holy Week.

And, and I prayed essentially what was almost like, uh, the, the, the high priestly prayer from Gospel of John, where, you know, Jesus is in the garden of Gethsemane. And, and he’s basically praying, Lord, um, you know, uh, as I am now kind of going on, you know, as I am now leaving my disciples, leaving my friends, you know, whatever you have given to me in this life, in this world, now pass on to them.

You know, give them that same blessing. Give them that same connection with you. Uh, give, give them the grace that you’ve bestowed upon me. Whatever you’ve given to me, give to them now. And likewise, I prayed, Lord, whatever you have in store for me, whatever you have saved up in heaven, whatever has not been revealed yet, I will surrender all of it.

If it means he can be healed and. I, I came out of there and, you know, they gave us like a little private, you know, waiting room. And probably 15, 20 minutes later, the surgeon comes down, you know, and, and he, he told us it was maybe gonna be a couple hours, I think it was like, less than 90 minutes. And very calm, very nonchalant.

Yeah. It went fine. And, you know, it’s all done. Yeah. We, we did this, they had to remove the C one vertebrae and clean up the other one as, as, you know, as he, as he put it. Um, but you know, this is a guy who had done this, uh, you know, a hundred times, right? He’s like, yeah, it, no, no big deal. And, and, and now of course, you know, I mean, I’m relieved, but everything leading up to that was serious enough because I really didn’t know how this was gonna turn out.

Uh, because again, it’s, it’s not like. He broke his thumb or Right. Okay. We need to give him some stitches. I mean, it’s, it’s brain surgery Exactly. Right. Essentially. So, um, but, you know, praise God, it, it did all work out and, um, he hasn’t been completely seizure free. He ha he’s had at least one. Um, but, um, for the most part, um, his seizure disorder is controlled and it hasn’t been an issue.

Tonya: Okay. Good, good.

 Before you went into the hospital that day, before you knew what, what that diagnosis even meant, is there anything that, that you think would’ve helped you if you had heard that from another parent first?

John: I don’t know if there was anything specific that might have helped us, but I, I will tell you this, um, and this is a big part of my platform, which is community and community and relationships with people who understand you, understand the dynamic you have raising a child with a disability and, and all of the things that go into that.

Um, I, I was still pretty new in my advocacy work. I had really only been at it maybe a couple of years, but in a very short time. I had developed a lot of wonderful relationships with people around the country, and I was floored. I was shocked. When I saw a, as I just would post things on social media or I would text several people I knew and whether it was, you know, friends of ours from our community or from his school, or from our church, or people that I worked with.

Again, in all of these different places, everybody came out of the woodwork. Everybody was reaching out, praying, how can we help you? Meal train, gift cards for meals, this, that or the other thing, whatever you guys need. And, and again, it, it was shocking to me the, the response we got. Um, so now what, what I wanna stress here is that, you know, when I share something like that, you know, the, the intention is not to say, okay, well, um, you know, you, you wanna have these tragedies because, you know, then all these people show up and then it’s like a big party and everybody celebrates.

It’s, it’s that, you know what, how scary is it? To go through that with your child and, and yeah. You know, we, we had some, some close family and friends, but you know, if, if people don’t really get what you’re going through, um, regardless of how close they are to you or how many you have, it’s not quite the same thing.

Whereas in our case, we had people who were parents of special needs and disability and, and people who had experienced with their own kids some pretty serious medical stuff. I mean, I have friends who have gone through medical things with their kids way, way more so than, than my own son. Um, you know, and, and those are the people that you want in your corner when you go through something like that because they will get you, they can relate on however many levels.

Um, and then it just means that much more when they show up to be, you know, supportive in that place.

Tonya: Well, I think, I think that’s, that’s a key point there because, um, and we, we talk about this a lot. We have to find that support group for ourselves. There. It’s, it’s so important that, you know, we are, we’re so focused on our children, especially when they’re younger or they’re in a medical crisis.

You, you don’t have enough spoons for everything else. You can just focus on what’s in front of you at the moment. But if you’ve already built those connections and you have that support, then as you say, you have someone who understands, and it might just be an email that they send you or a text message, but knowing that that person is praying for you or knowing that that person is just, they understand, you know, you don’t have to give them any words for them to know where you are.

It, it gives you a little more strength as you’re going in into those, those unknown situations. And my kids have not been through brain surgery, so I, I haven’t had to, to stress on that. But there, there are a lot of, of uncertainties as for any parent going in.

None of us know what we’re doing when, whenever we start parenting. But, um, but some of us face some other challenges that, you know, there, there, there may not be a parenting book written out there for, for anyone really, but special needs parents really don’t have one because those, those sudden turns that, that, that come outta nowhere.

Um, you know, to even know what questions to start asking it, it helps to have those other parents alongside you who have walked ahead of you. And this is why I appreciate you coming on and sharing your story because those that are finding this and listening to it will be able to, to take that encouragement and, and use that to go on and find that support.

Um, so, so last little question I wanna ask you here before we go on to our next section, um, during all this, so, so listeners, you’ve, you’ve already heard there’s a lot of confusion that’s been happening already in this family’s life, but then you and your wife at the time went into a season where you ended with divorce as well.

John: Um, that was not an easy time. To go through either, so as a special needs dad. So we already know you have some of this just carrying heavy on your shoulders at the time. What would you say to other dads that feel like they’ve kind of lost their place in this process? Yeah, and, and this is a, it’s, it’s a very deep, very wide question to, to try to answer because there are so many levels to it. But there, there are a couple of things that really stand out to me, um, in, in terms of dealing with, with divorce. But, but even, even if you’re not divorced, but you’re just going through these struggles in your marriage.

So what I’ll tell you is, you know, first of all, I, I go back to this foundation of community. There, there’s a story I like to tell. Um, I I, I tell it in my presentations and it’s called A Tale of Two Parking Lots, tale of Two parking lots. ’cause it involves two parking lots. So the reality is, is that my, my son’s mom and I wound up getting divorced.

We, we separated in the late 2019, uh, like towards the end of the year from when my son had his surgery. And then we were divorced in in 2020. Um, but almost 10 years earlier, summer of 2012 in, or you know, throughout the year of 2012, we experienced probably the most difficult, um, season of our marriage. It was certainly the worst season of life for me.

Basically, nothing was going right. Anything that could go wrong did in terms of whether it was getting the right support for our son or, or a school placement. We were still trying to figure out, I had a job loss. We were struggling financially, almost lost our home. Our marriage is hanging by a thread.

And what’s interesting is we, we weren’t believers. We, we were non-Christian. I mean, I was raised Catholic, my son’s mom was actually raised Jewish, so we were spiritual, but, you know, and more in the, as I like to say, the secular new age sense. So, um, but, but we, we decided we needed some community. So we, we did start attending a, a church and, and this particular church had a men’s group that would meet on Friday nights.

And I remember this one Friday night in the summer I was going there and I, I was early, so I sat in my car. I made a couple of phone calls. I called two of my oldest friends, one from high school, one from college. Um, they were married, no kids, and they certainly didn’t know anything about having a kid with a disability.

And they knew that there was some stuff going on, but they didn’t know that much. And I kind of laid it all out there for them. And, um, and they basically were like, look man, we, we love you. We don’t know what to tell you. We, we don’t know what to do. And, and one of my friends said, you know what, if it were me, I’d probably just walk.

And I’m like, well, I, I, I can’t do that. And, you know, of course they were like, well, we’re here for you. Just kinda let us know. So I go into this men’s group.

 They kind of knew a little bit of what was going on, but not everything. And then I get into my, my spiel and, and essentially the whole room is silent.

For maybe a minute, and then all of a sudden the group leader chimes in and says, boy, that’s really tough to hear. We’re, we’re really sorry. But what you need to know is that it’s gonna be okay. Now here’s the thing. Do I know in the grand sense of, you know, being a, again, a, a believer in Christ that everything’s gonna be okay?

You betcha that’s not what I needed to hear in that moment though, I needed guys to come around and you know what, Hey, what can we do? How can we help? Um, can I at least take you out for coffee or a meal or something? You know, what, what is it that you’re really needing? And, and I realized that I didn’t have community.

And, and so a lot of my advocacy work, you know, all the way back then, the seeds were planted to say, I, I need to get me some community. I need people who think like me. Now, eventually what wound up happening is, you know, my wife and I found my ex-wife and I found a really strong marriage counselor. She helped us work through a lot of stuff.

We did wind up finding a really good school district for my son that we moved to that area, found a really strong church, you know, and all of these things. Um, but what, what I also saw happen though, um, kind of in that particular season of life was that, um, I, I had kind of lost a sense of myself, right? So one of the things that I was struggling with personally was my son’s mom, who was always very good with managing things, the appointments, the scheduling, the doctors, the therapists was always very good at that.

Um, I didn’t do any of that, not because I didn’t wanna do it, but because she preferred to do it and she was good at it, and that was her, her gifting, that was her thing.

 So what did I do? What did I bring to the table? What did I provide? And that’s also where as I kind of moved out of that season, as I described, the advocacy work was something that I saw that I was good at.

And it was something that not only provided a benefit to our family in terms of the resources I was connecting with, but then I could also be a resource and a blessing to other people and families like me. So by the time we actually got to the place of divorce, and, and I’m, I’m gonna tie it up with that second part of that, um, parking lot story because, um, the, the second part of that story happened in late 2019.

So it was Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. You know, it’s normally a big shopping day. Um, it was never really our thing to go shopping or whatever. Um, but I found myself just like I did back in 2012. I found myself sitting in my car in a parking lot, getting ready to make some phone calls, because not even a half an hour earlier, my then wife had just handed me divorce papers out of the blue.

Um, so I was totally blindsided. I was not expecting it. Um, it was basically just, I don’t love you anymore. Here you go. Okay, what do I do? Now, here’s the difference though. In 2012 when I sat in that parking lot, I, I didn’t know who to call. I, I called the, the guys I knew to call because they were my friends.

They had nothing for me. Now, the difference was I had dads of special needs that I could call, married, divorced. I in. In fact, the first guy I called, believe it or not, was a friend of mine. He’s a special needs attorney, also has a son with a disability and was also divorced. And or, and he had been remarried by that point.

And I’m like, you’re perfect. And he was the one who actually introduced me to the attorney I actually wound up abusing in the divorce, who was great. Um, you know, but, but he was exactly the, the, the first right guy, because he could be honest with me, supportive, but, but also tell me exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

And then of course, I had other dads of special needs, married, divorced, you know, close friends. Um, I had pastors, I had other, you know, advocates or, you know, people in disability ministry. I had all these people that I could lean into and, and just like, as I kind of described the way that people showed up out of the woodwork when my son had his brain surgery, it was really like that this time.

Um, I, I look back at it now and I’m actually kind of amazed at how many people showed up from everywhere, you know? And again, it could be as simple as, as a text or, or a message or a phone call, or, you know, taking me out for a meal. Or coffee to talk things through. I, I even had a friend who was a counselor who actually gave me a free session and was like, listen, I’m just gonna give this to you so we can talk some things out.

So, so there were so many ways that that showed up. But again, I wouldn’t have had any of that if I didn’t step out in faith and say, you know what? I, I think there’s something for me here. I think there’s something for me in terms of what I can give my family with, but also what I can give to others with.

If I didn’t embrace that, then there’s no way that, you know, that second experience sitting in that car would’ve been any different than, than the first time and not having those resources at all.

Tonya: John, thanks so much for being so transparent about the “Tale of Two Parking Lots” and the reality of navigating marital strain while parenting a child with such high support needs. And listeners, if you are currently in a place where your marriage feels heavy, I want to remind you that you’re not alone.

I know this is a difficult conversation. It’s such a necessary one as a help to you. I’ve included a link in the show notes to my previous conversation with Todd and Kristen Evans. They work specifically to minister to families who are trying to preserve their marriage, and they have some incredible words of guidance for those navigating relationship stress within the disability community.

Please take a moment to listen to that interview if you need that support right now. Next week, John and I will be returning to pick up where we left off. We’ll be discussing the role of faith, the importance of building a supportive community and what true inclusion looks like in our churches. Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss that continuation.

Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you then.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. My child just received an autism diagnosis. Is it normal to feel like everything I expected is gone? Yes, it is entirely normal. Many parents go through a period of grieving the “typical” experience they envisioned. You aren’t just adjusting to a diagnosis; you are adjusting your entire life’s trajectory.
2. We are facing a medical crisis with our child. How do I keep myself from “panicking”? The key is to focus only on what is in front of you. You don’t need to solve the next five years today; you just need to manage the immediate medical and emotional needs of the next few hours.
3. Is it common for marriages to struggle after a disability diagnosis? Unfortunately, yes. The pressure of therapies, medical bills, and constant caregiving can create massive fissures in a relationship. You are not failing your marriage; you are facing an extreme external stressor.
4. How do I find a “community” when I’m too exhausted to socialize? Start small. You don’t need a massive social circle. You need 2–3 people—other parents who have traveled this path—who understand the “language” of your struggle. They don’t need to fix your problems; they just need to witness them.
5. How can I advocate for my child when I feel like I’ve lost my own identity? Recognizing that you have lost your identity is the first step to reclaiming it. Advocacy isn’t just about fighting for your child; it’s about connecting with resources and communities that help you find your unique purpose alongside your role as a parent.