Episode #135: 5 School Communication Secrets That Change Everything
Episode #135: 5 School Communication Secrets That Change Everything
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Show Notes:
Stop reacting to problems and start preventing them. These 5 school communication strategies will change everything!
Does communicating with your child’s school feel like a maze? Do you feel like you’re only ever talking to a teacher when something is wrong? In this episode, we’re sharing the 5 communication secrets that will change your relationship with the school from adversarial to collaborative.
We dive into simple, actionable strategies that empower you to be your child’s most effective advocate, prevent common challenges, and build a powerful team around them.
▶️ Grab your free download: Click here to get my “10 Powerful Questions to Ask Your Child’s Teacher” PDF: https://waterprairie.com/10questions
In this episode, we’re talking about:
- The problem with reactive school communication.
- Secret #1: The Proactive Introduction. How one positive email can change the entire relationship.
- Secret #2: The Positive Sandwich. A clever way to bring up concerns while keeping the conversation open and productive.
- Secret #3: The Two-Channel Rule. Cut through the noise and get clear on how to communicate with your child’s teacher.
- Secret #4: The Child-at-a-Glance Document. Give teachers the cheat sheet they need to connect with your child on a personal level.
- Secret #5: The Shift from “You” to “We.” The one mindset change that ties everything together and builds a powerful team.
Work with Tonya as an IEP Coach: If you’re looking for personalized support, a trusted partner, and expert guidance through the IEP process, I would be honored to be part of your team. Find more information about my IEP coaching services here: https://waterprairie.com/iepcoach
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Music Used:
“LazyDay” by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Artist: http://audionautix.com/
Tonya Wollum is an IEP Coach, podcast host, and disability advocate. She works one-on-one with parents to guide them to a peaceful partnership with their child’s IEP team, and she provides virtual mentors for special needs parents through the interviews she presents as the host of the Water Prairie Chronicles podcast. Tonya knows firsthand how difficult it is to know how to support your special needs child, and she seeks to provide knowledge to parents and caregivers as well as to those who support a family living life with a disability. She’s doing her part to help create a more inclusive world where we can celebrate what makes each person unique!
Episode #135: 5 School Communication Secrets That Change Everything
Stop reacting to problems and start preventing them. These 5 school communication strategies will change everything!
(Recorded August 18, 2025)
Full Transcript of Episode 135:
Is your child’s school day a black box?
The problem with reactive school communication.
Tonya: Let’s be honest. Does your child’s school day feel like a total black box?
You wave goodbye in the morning, and for the next seven hours? Who knows? And if your child has a disability or an individualized education plan, or an IEP, that black box can feel even more complicated with more people to coordinate with and higher stakes. Most of the time, you only get a call or an email when something’s wrong: A missing assignment, a problem on the playground.
A grade that’s less than expected. A call or email like that makes your stomach drop. It’s exhausting to constantly feel like you’re one step behind, always reacting to problems instead of preventing them. But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if you could build a partnership with your child’s teachers and support staff that’s so strong you see challenges coming and tackle them together? I’m about to share five communication secrets that will completely change the game.
These are simple, practical tips that will help you go from a worried bystander to your child’s most effective and powerful advocate.
Secret #1: The Proactive Introduction.
How one positive email can change the entire relationship.
Okay? Secret number one is all about starting the story on your own terms. Too often, our first real chat with a teacher happens after there’s already a problem. Right away, the mood is tense, and you feel like you’re on the defensive. That one negative event defines the relationship, and it feels like you spend the rest of the year trying to dig out of that hole.
The fix? A proactive introduction. Sometime during that first week of school, before anything has had a chance to go wrong, send a short, friendly, and positive email to your child’s main teachers.
For parents of a child on an IEP. You can adapt the strategy and send it to the entire team, the special education teacher, the general ed teacher, the therapist, and the case manager. It sets a collaborative tone for the whole group from day one.
Here’s how you do it:
First, introduce yourself and your child and express genuine excitement for the year. Something like, “We are so thrilled for Sarah to be in your fourth-grade class. She’s been talking all summer about your science projects.” This immediately sets a warm, appreciative tone. Teachers get a lot of complaints, so a little bit of positivity goes a long, long way.
Second, and this is the most important part, share one or two key things about your child. Think of it as a mini-manual for your kid. For example, “just to give you a little insight, Sarah is a super creative kid, but she can be a bit shy in big groups. She often has great ideas, but won’t raise her hand. A little gentle encouragement to share her thoughts, really helps her open up,” or “Michael absolutely loves to help and feels a huge sense of pride when he’s given a small responsibility.” This type of thing makes your child a real person, not just a name on a list.
Finally, position yourself as a partner. Wrap up the email with one simple line that changes everything. ” I really believe in a strong home-school partnership. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need anything. I’m looking forward to working with you to make this a fantastic year for Sarah.”
This one email works wonders. It kicks off communication on a high note, gives the teacher genuinely useful information they can use from day one, and frames your entire relationship as a collaboration, not a confrontation. Just like that, you’re a team.
Secret #2: The Positive Sandwich.
A clever way to bring up concerns while keeping the conversation open and productive.
So, what happens when a problem actually comes up? Whether you spot it first or the teacher brings it to you, these conversations can get tense fast.
The issue is, as soon as someone feels criticized, the walls go up. They get defensive, and any hope for a productive conversation goes out the window. It stops being about solving the problem and starts being about defending turf.
The solution is a classic for a reason. The positive sandwich. It’s a beautifully simple way to bring up a concern while keeping the other person open to hearing it.
You just sandwich your concern. The meat between two genuine positives. The bread, this technique is especially powerful in IEP meetings when emotions can run pretty high. Starting with what’s working builds trust. Before you dive into the areas that need support, here’s how it works.
Let’s say you’re worried your son isn’t being challenged in math. Instead of opening with, ” I’m worried Jack is bored in math.” Which can sound like an accusation. You start with a slice of positive bread. Say something you mean like, ” Thank you so much for all your hard work. Jack came home so excited about the history project you’re doing. He really enjoys your class.”
This shows you see and appreciate their effort, which instantly lowers their defenses. Now, for the meat, the concern, you want to frame it as a collaborative question, not a demand use. I statements.
For example, “I’ve noticed Jack has been flying through his math homework lately, and I was wondering how we could work together to make sure he stays engaged and challenged. I’d love to get your take on how he’s doing in class.” See the difference? ” I’ve noticed,” ” I’m wondering,” and ” how can we work together,” invites a discussion.
Finally, add that top slice of bread, another positive or a forward-looking statement. ” I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this. I know we both want what’s best for Jack, and I’m sure that together we can find a great path forward for him.”
Now, this isn’t about being manipulative; it’s about being smart and empathetic. It preserves your relationship and keeps the focus where it should be, on the shared goal of helping your child succeed.
If these ideas are already getting your gears turning, I want to help you take the next step. I have a free PDF on my website that you might be interested in. It’s called 10 Powerful Questions to Ask Your Child’s Teacher This School Year. It’s a simple cheat sheet to help you start these important conversations.
You can find the link to download it for free in the description below and in the show notes. And for those of you navigating the IEP process, you don’t have to do it by yourself.
If you’d like a partner to help you prepare for meetings, understand what questions you should be asking, and collaborate more effectively with the school, I work as an IEP coach and would be honored to be part of your team. You can find more information about how we can work together in the description.
And whether you need that one-on-one help or not, do me a favor: hit the subscribe button. This podcast comes out weekly and has some great guests lined up for the rest of the season. You’re not gonna wanna miss them
Secret #3: The Two-Channel Rule.
Cut through the noise and get clear on how to communicate with your child’s teacher.
Let’s move on to secret number three. Are you drowning in communication between the emails, the apps, the parent portals, and the newsletters? It’s a mess. The problem for parents is total communication fatigue. You either miss something important because it’s buried on a platform you never check, or you get so many notifications, you just start tuning it all out.
The solution is something I call the “Two-Channel” rule. It’s dead simple. In the beginning of the year, either in your introduction email or at a conference, you just ask the teacher one question, ” What are the two best ways for us to communicate this year?”
You can phrase it like this. “I really want to stay in the loop without adding to your workload. Of all the ways the school communicates, which two do you use most for important updates and for me to ask a quick question?” This question is magic. And for a child on an IEP, it’s crucial.
You might ask the case manager, “What’s the best channel for a quick update versus a more significant concern that the whole team needs to know about?”
This streamlines communication immensely. First, it shows you respect their time. Second, it gives you instant clarity. The teacher might say, ” I post general news in the parent portal, but for anything about your child specifically, email is best.” Perfect. Now you know exactly where to put your attention.
This cuts through the noise and makes your communication way more effective. You’re not hunting for info anymore, and when you do reach out, you’re using the method the teacher prefers, which makes a timely response much more likely.
Secret #4: The Child-at-a-Glance Document.
Give teachers the cheat sheet they need to connect with your child on a personal level.
Teachers are miracle workers, but they’re juggling 20, 30, or even more kids at once. It’s just not possible for them to instantly know every child’s unique quirks, motivations, and anxieties.
They see your child in the classroom context, but you see the whole kid. Here’s the secret to bridging that gap. A simple one-page child-at-a-glance document. Think of this as the human-centric companion to the formal IEP document.
The IEP outlines the required services and goals, but the at-a-glance sheet tells the story of the wonderful, unique child behind the paperwork. It helps every single staff member connect with your child on a personal level.
Organize it with a few simple headings. First, MY STRENGTHS. List what makes your child shine? “Loves getting lost in fantasy novels,” “a natural leader in small groups,” “very empathetic, and always the first to help a classmate who’s upset.”
Second, add THINGS I’M WORKING ON. Frame challenges with a growth mindset.
Instead of saying “bad at math,” try saying, “is building confidence in math and can get frustrated when things don’t click right away.” Instead of “messy,” try” is learning to use a planner to keep track of homework.”
Then go on to WHAT MOTIVATES ME. This is pure gold for a teacher. ” Responds incredibly well to specific praise about his effort.” “Loves earning five extra minutes of free reading time.” “Is highly motivated by being the teacher’s helper.”
And then you wanna go to HOW YOU CAN BEST SUPPORT ME. Offer concrete, helpful tips. ” When I start to get overwhelmed, giving me a moment to take a few deep breaths helps me reset.” ” Letting me sketch out my ideas before I write helps me organize my thoughts.”
When you share it, frame it as a gift. ” I know you have so many students to get to know, so I put together this little one-pager on David. I hope it’s a helpful resource as you get to know him.”
This document makes your child an individual in a crowded room. It gives the teacher strategies that might have taken them months to figure out alone, and it proves you’re an organized, thoughtful partner in your child’s education. If your child is able to do so, have them help you with this.
An older student could put it together on their own as a way of learning to advocate for themselves. It’s a great first step to learning how to speak to teachers about their needs while they’re at school.
Secret #5: The Shift from “You” to “We.”
The one mindset change that ties everything together and builds a powerful team.
This last secret is the mindset shift that ties everything else together. It’s so easy when things get stressful to slip into an US-versus-THEM mentality. The conversation becomes, “Why did YOU give my child a bad grade?” Or “YOU need to fix this playground issue.” That kind of language is a guaranteed way to put the teacher on the defensive and create a divide.
No one wants to feel like they’re being accused of something, and let’s face it, teachers are tired. After a long day of playing teacher, cheerleader, peacekeeper, and caregiver to a pack of busy children.
The solution is to make a conscious effort to shift your language from YOU to WE. This is the very heart of a successful IEP team. The law is designed around a team process.
This shift turns a potentially adversarial meeting into a collaborative problem-solving session. The research is clear: when parents and teachers work as a team, students do better, period. Here’s what it sounds like.
Instead of saying, “What are you going to do about this?” Try, “This is a tricky situation. How can we solve this together? What can I do at home to support what you’re doing here?” Instead of saying, “you didn’t explain the project clearly,” try, ” my daughter seems to be struggling with this project. Could we brainstorm a different way to explain it that might click for her?”
That little shift from YOU to WE instantly de-escalates tension and signals that you see them as an ally, not an adversary. You’re acknowledging you both have a role to play, and you’re ready to do your part.
When a teacher feels respected and knows you’re on their team, they’re so much more likely to go the extra mile for your child. This team-based mindset is the ultimate secret. It changes every single interaction and builds a powerful support system around your child, giving them the best possible shot at a great year.
Recap of all 5 secrets.
So let’s recap the five secrets to transforming your school communication. First, the proactive introduction. Start the year by building a positive connection between the entire team before there’s a problem to solve. Second, master the positive sandwich. Frame concerns with praise to keep conversations open and productive.
Third, use the two-channel rule. Ask your teacher which two channels they prefer so you can cut through the noise. Fourth, create a child at a glance document. Give your teacher a cheat sheet to help them connect with your kid. And fifth, always shift from you to we. Adopt a partnership mindset to solve problems as a team.
These aren’t complicated theories. They’re simple, actionable things you can start doing today. By putting these into practice, you can shift from feeling anxious and reactive to feeling empowered and collaborative. You build the kind of trust that becomes the bedrock of your child’s success.
Now I want to hear from you. Which of these secrets hit home the most? And do you have a sixth secret, a strategy that’s worked wonders for your family? Drop it in the comments below. Your experience might be the exact thing another parent in our community needs to hear.
Thanks for joining me today. I’ll see you next time.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):
Q1. How can I start the new school year with my child’s teacher on a positive note?
You can send a short, proactive email to your child’s teacher or IEP team before a problem arises. This introduces you and your child in a positive light and establishes a collaborative tone for the year.
Q2. What is the “positive sandwich” communication technique?
The positive sandwich is a strategy for raising a concern by “sandwiching” it between two genuine positive statements. This keeps the other person from getting defensive and helps maintain a respectful, productive conversation.
Q3. What is a “child-at-a-glance” document and how do I create one?
A child-at-a-glance is a one-page document you create that provides a human-centric companion to the IEP. It outlines your child’s strengths, motivators, and communication style to help teachers connect with them on a personal level.
Q4. Why is it important to shift my language from “you” to “we” when communicating with the school?
Shifting from “you” to “we” changes the mindset from adversarial to collaborative. It signals that you are part of a team and are ready to work together to solve problems, which builds trust and a powerful support system for your child.
